NOTE FROM ERIC:

March 25th is the 2001 Annual Academy Awards,
but let’s face it — after 73 years of this thing,
it has gotten rather predictable.
Or has it?

The Top 9 Highlights of the
Alternative Universe Oscars

9> Unseasonably warm March day causes Joan Rivers to melt.

8> Host Steve Martin shows up 45 minutes late, shouting obscenities and wearing only a beer-stained “Tinky Winky” outfit.

7> Lions released into audience during interactive “Gladiator” retrospective.

6> After seeing Angelina Jolie in one, now everyone’s gonna be clamoring for a burlap gown.

5> Lifetime Achievement award for Keanu Reeves leaves audience in tears.

4> Elaborate dance numbers replaced by quartet of old men complaining about irritable bowel syndrome.

3> Crouching Tiger shows up in elegant Dior evening gown, Hidden Dragon just looks like a slut.

2> Nominees told to use Oscar statue to show where Arnold Schwarzenegger bad-touched them.

and the Number 1 Highlight of the Alternative Universe Oscars…

1> Like its predecessors, “Good Burger 3″ sweeps the major awards.

.

Credits:

Selected from 41 submissions from 11 contributors.
Today’s Top 5 List authors are:

Jude Benlab, Swarthmore, PA — 1, 3, 6 (Hat Trick!)
Aimee Spanier, Oakland, CA — 2, 8
Leon Dekelbaum, Washington, DC — 4
Jennifer A. Ford, Ft. Wayne, IN — 5
Wade Kwon, Birmingham, AL — 6
Douglas Jones, Santa Cruz, CA — 7
Bonnie Blippo, Wellesley, MA — 9
Anthony Powell, Los Angeles, CA — Costume Design, 102 Dalmations
Ian Rodin, Chicago, IL — Topic
Eric F. Lipton, Washington, DC — Script Doctor