NOTE FROM ERIC:

Last year, in honor of the Academy Awards, we presented the
First Annual Alternative Universe Oscars, which in our humble
opinions was much more interesting, if only for the copious
“Dude, Where’s My Car?” references.
This year, we present its sequel, now 100% Dude-free…

The Top 9 Highlights from the
Second Annual Alternative Universe Oscars

9> Upon receiving his Best Supporting Actor trophy, Sir Ian McKellen immediately embarks on a quest to throw it into the fires of Mount Doom.

8> An angry Haley Joel Osment roughs up Russell Crowe.

7> “We move on now to a level of acting that is so professional, so refined, and so skilled that it commands the highest respect of any award here on our program. Here are the nominees for Best Performance in a Collect-Call Ad…”

6> Dame Judi Dench shocks everyone with her sheer, nipple-revealing gown.

5> Richard Simmons takes home an Oscar for his gritty role as rogue L.A.P.D. Narcotics detective Alonzo Harris.

4> Godzilla wanted to thank the Academy for his long-awaited award, but accidentally crushed them instead.

3> Due to recessionary cut-backs, Oscar was replaced by a half-empty Mrs. Butterworth bottle.

2> After the show, the winners were ushered to a swank restaurant where they celebrated with an endless cup of coffee and their choice of either a Grand Slam Breakfast or a Moons Over My Hammy sandwich.

and the Number 1 Highlight from the Second Annual Alternative
Universe Oscars…

1> Evil Hanks, Tom Hanks’s goateed twin, holds all the nominees hostage until “Bachelor Party” receives its long-due recognition.

.

Credits:

Selected from 43 submissions from 14 contributors.
Today’s Top 5 List authors are:

Ian Ravdin, Santa Monica, CA — 1, 3
Michael Cunningham, Woodridge, IL — 2, 4
Douglas Jones, Santa Cruz, CA — 3
Craig D. Barker, Livonia, MI — 5
Jude Benlab, Swarthmore, PA — 6, 9, RU Name
Clifton J. Gray, Tucson, AZ — 7
Marko Peric, Prince Edward Island, Canada — 8
Eric F. Lipton, Chicago, IL — Script Doctor