NOTE FROM KRISTIAN:

“The X-Files” star David Duchovny has entered rehab for sex addiction.

The Top 8 Indications David Duchovny Is a Sex Addict

8> It was only after he agreed to do the show that he realized the Files had just one X.

7> While she was looking to the skies, he was looking [...]

The Top 7 Scenes They Forgot in “Tropic Thunder”

7> Scene where the actors moan and groan how they can’t get any decent rest at night, while lying on large piles of money.

6> Robert Downey, Jr. trying to cover up his black makeup with a lighter shade of [...]

The Top 7 Things You Can Do When the Movie Is Boring(Part II)

7> Polish that Paul Reubens impression you’ve been working on since losing your girlfriend.

6> Figure out how many times each actress has been in a movie where she’s shown her boobies.

5> Write superior fanfic version of film on your ticket stub.

4> Make a list [...]

The Top 8 Things You Can Do When the Movie Is Boring(Part I)

8> Piss off an usher, do a shot.

7> Re-enact Mickey Rourke’s popcorn box trick from “Diner.”

6> Loudly improvise your own filthy dialogue.

5> It’s 2008, Dude, just pull out your iPhone and watch something better!

4> Borrow a stepladder from the utility closet and [...]

NOTE FROM KRISTIAN:

“Pineapple Express” is about a couple of potheads that witness a murder and are chased by the bad guys.

The Top 9 Indications a Movie Was Made by Stoners

9> Those fragmented, jittery flashback scenes? Unintentional.

8> No need for smoke machines during night filming.

7> Craft service ran $2,000,000 over [...]

NOTE FROM KRISTIAN:

Quentin Tarantino’s next film is about a band of miscreant WWII soldiers on a suicide mission. He’s calling it “Inglourious Basterds” (sic).

The Top 10 Better Titles for Quentin Tarantino’s Next Film

10> Kill Klink, Vol.1

9> Reservoir Dogface

8> My Big Fat Contractually Obligated Movie

7> World War 2 Hours [...]

NOTE FROM KRISTIAN:

Over four million dollars worth of Hollywood memorabilia was sold at the 32nd “Profiles in History” auction last week, including $402,000 for a Star Wars TIE fighter model.

The Top 8 Memorabilia Items Auctioned This Year

8> Alec Baldwin’s telephone answering machine.

7> Novelty four-bedroom ranch house made from Lindsay [...]

The Top 9 Nasty Movie Review Quotes

9> “It appears the role was written with Paris Hilton or Tara Reid in mind, but they had to go with something cheaper.”

8> “Concession stands should be required to carry laxatives in order to purge this colossal pile of cinematic excrement.”

7> “About as funny as a [...]

NOTE FROM KRISTIAN:

IMAX, digital projection, 3-D, feh!

The Top 8 Reasons Movies Should Be in Black and White

8> Increase canine theater attendance a thousandfold.

7> Producers can pawn off even lame flicks to Ted Turner as “classics.”

6> Makes it easier to watch all [...]

NOTE FROM KRISTIAN:

Although most famous for playing Gandhi, Sir Ben Kingsley said he will continue to star in big summer movies, because they are the mass entertainment of society, not unlike the chariot races in the Roman Colosseum.

The Top 9 Similarities Between Hollywood and Ancient Rome

9> Lots of Democrats, lots of queens.

8> [...]