NOTE FROM KRISTIAN:

Quentin Tarantino’s next film is about a band of miscreant WWII soldiers on a suicide mission. He’s calling it “Inglourious Basterds” (sic).

The Top 10 Better Titles for Quentin Tarantino’s Next Film

10> Kill Klink, Vol.1

9> Reservoir Dogface

8> My Big Fat Contractually Obligated Movie

7> World War 2 Hours [...]

NOTE FROM KRISTIAN:

Over four million dollars worth of Hollywood memorabilia was sold at the 32nd “Profiles in History” auction last week, including $402,000 for a Star Wars TIE fighter model.

The Top 8 Memorabilia Items Auctioned This Year

8> Alec Baldwin’s telephone answering machine.

7> Novelty four-bedroom ranch house made from Lindsay [...]

The Top 9 Nasty Movie Review Quotes

9> “It appears the role was written with Paris Hilton or Tara Reid in mind, but they had to go with something cheaper.”

8> “Concession stands should be required to carry laxatives in order to purge this colossal pile of cinematic excrement.”

7> “About as funny as a [...]

NOTE FROM KRISTIAN:

IMAX, digital projection, 3-D, feh!

The Top 8 Reasons Movies Should Be in Black and White

8> Increase canine theater attendance a thousandfold.

7> Producers can pawn off even lame flicks to Ted Turner as “classics.”

6> Makes it easier to watch all [...]

NOTE FROM KRISTIAN:

Although most famous for playing Gandhi, Sir Ben Kingsley said he will continue to star in big summer movies, because they are the mass entertainment of society, not unlike the chariot races in the Roman Colosseum.

The Top 9 Similarities Between Hollywood and Ancient Rome

9> Lots of Democrats, lots of queens.

8> [...]

NOTE FROM KRISTIAN:

After being part of Paramount for over two years, Spielberg’s Dreamworks movie studio may go independent again, thanks to a $500 million investment from an Indian entertainment conglomerate.

The Top 9 Changes to an Indian-Funded Dreamworks

9> The new supervillain bad guy? Richard Gere.

8> Craft service now stocked by [...]

The Top 9 Movie Limericks

9> There once was a film which exploded, Making the studio rich, fully loaded. So to rake in even more, They cried “Sequels galore!” “But make them longer with a budget most bloated!”

8> A writer with screenplay a sure bet, To Hollywood came for riches he’d get. Though ’twas top-grosser of [...]

NOTE FROM KRISTIAN:

Twice in the past year, hospital employees have been caught browsing through celebrities’ medical records.

The Top 9 Entries Discovered in Celebrities’ Hospital Files

9> Paris Hilton: In 2004, neurologists removed last bit of brain lodged in her skull.

8> John Holmes: Had his hands enlarged.

7> Jay Leno’s hair? Skunk fur.

6> Michael Douglas: Romancing [...]

NOTE FROM KRISTIAN:

A scandal “news” website claims that several homeowners are trying to force Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie out of the neighborhood. Pitt insists he gets along just fine with his neighbors; it’s the paparazzi that are the problem.

The Top 9 Hassles of Living Next Door to a Famous Actor

9> Always dropping over [...]

NOTE FROM LITTLE FIVERS:

For reasons best left unexplained, this is Little Fivers Lingerie Week. Participating Fivers will be donning their frilliest fancies for your entertainment. All we can say is: be thankful this is a text-based medium. Semper ubi sub ubi!

The Top 9 Movies by Victoria’s Secret

9> Death And The Maidenform

8> Sisterhood [...]