NOTE FROM ERIC:

The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences — who produce
the annual Academy Awards — is suing a company called Pipedream
Products for selling anatomically correct Oscar statues.

The Top 9 Complaints of the
Anatomically Correct Oscar Statue

9> Hard to stay, ahem, upright during long musical numbers.

8> Never crossed my mind that “anatomically correct” would include hemorrhoids

7> Sure, I’m anatomically correct, but Emmy statue is still PG-13.

6> John Ashcroft keeps showing up and covering me with drapery.

5> Mrs. Butterworth cold and unreceptive.

4> When Valenti orders me sent back for “additional cuts.”

3> Feeling guilty for making 30% more than the female Oscar for the same work.

2> “For the 1,000th time, YES, I’ve got a pair of brass ones.”

and the Number 1 Complaint of the Anatomically Correct Oscar
Statue…

1> Life in Tom Hanks’s display case is like one long, endless gay orgy.

.

Credits:

Selected from 67 submissions from 19 contributors.
Today’s Top 5 List authors are:

Larry G. Hollister, Concord, CA — 1, 6, 8
Clifton J. Gray, Tucson, AZ — 2, Runners-Up List Name
Michael Cunningham, Woodridge, IL — 3, 4
Wade Kwon, Birmingham, AL — 4, 7
Martin Bredeck, Hybla Valley, VA — 5
Eric M. Wakeford, Niagara Falls, ON — 5
Jude Benlab, Swarthmore, PA — 6, 7
Douglas Jones, Santa Cruz, CA — 6
Jeff Scherer, Brooklyn, NY — 9
Eric F. Lipton, Washington, DC — Script Doctor