December 7th, 2007
The Top 7 Celebrities
We Want to Sue and Why
We Want to Sue and Why
7> George Clooney, Brad Pitt et al.: Preemptive lawsuit to prevent any plans for “Oceans 14″.
6> Woody Allen: For ceasing to be funny around about 1988.
5> Jane Fonda’s agent: Her only two movies this decade were “Monster-in-Law” and “Georgia Rule”. The prosecution rests.
4> David O. Selznick: Despite my extensive study of “Gone With the Wind,” the state of Georgia refuses to license me as a midwife.
3> Sean Connery: For refusing to make another movie after the big-screen assault known as “The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen”.
2> Alliance of Motion Picture and Television Producers: To get residuals for the clips I post to YouTube.
and the Number 1 Celebrity We Want to Sue and Why…
1> Joel Schumacher: For “Batman & Robin”. (We will hound you until the end of your days, Schumacher!)
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Credits:
Selected from 18 submissions from 6 contributors.
This week’s list authors are:
John English, Orem, UT — 1, 3, 5 (Three-picture deal!)
Bruce Alter, Fairfax Station, VA — 2, 4
Donald Johnson, Cincinnati, OH — 6, 7
Kristian Idol, Burbank, CA — Innocent, Your Honor
RUNNERS UP list — TV v. TV
HBO: For no new “Real Sex” documentary in, like, five years!
(Jim G. Phynn, Horsham, PA)
Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert: For not letting me get to bed at a reasonable hour.
(Jim G. Phynn, Horsham, PA)
Oprah: I’ve watched every episode of her show since 1984 and I haven’t gotten a car from her yet.
(Bruce Alter, Fairfax Station, VA)
(Jim G. Phynn, Horsham, PA)
Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert: For not letting me get to bed at a reasonable hour.
(Jim G. Phynn, Horsham, PA)
Oprah: I’ve watched every episode of her show since 1984 and I haven’t gotten a car from her yet.
(Bruce Alter, Fairfax Station, VA)
