Next  Previous list:  

June 16, 2011      Share

Tomorrow is the debut of the much-anticipated $300 million
“Green Lantern” film. For those who are not comic book nerds,
the hero Hal Jordan is a fearless Air Force test pilot who is the
first human chosen as a member of an intergalactic police force
known as the Green Lantern Corps. His chief power is the ability
to conjure up anything he can imagine to fight bad guys, using
only his thoughts, turning the green energy from his ring into
a weapon (or anything). Deep down inside though, remember:
This guy is pretty much the cockiest fighter jock there ever was.

The Top 9 Ways You Know
Green Lantern Is a USAF Test Pilot

9> Majorly conflicted whenever stopping evildoers interferes
with his 10 o’clock tee time.

8> Girlfriend Carol Ferris complains he makes love at Mach 2.

7> Obliviously complains that Aquaman is the prima donna of the
superhero world.

6> His call sign is “Diogenes.”

5> Always pulling back on the joystick (if you’ve seen the
outfit, you know what I mean.)

4> Keeps “pushing” his ring until it breaks, then bails out via

3> Wastes way more energy getting from point A to point B than
the other Green Lanterns.

2> Spends hours every day working on his Chuck Y’ger impression.

and the Number 1 Way You Know Green Lantern Is a USAF Test Pilot…
1> Can do 90 percent of his job with one hand.



Selected from 37 submissions from 12 contributors.
This week’s list authors are:

Michael Cunningham, Woodridge, IL — 1, 5 (16th #1)
Mark Weiss, Austin, TX — 2
Kevin Dopart, Washington, DC — 3
Douglas Frank, Crosby, TX — 4, Banner tag
Jeffrey Contompasis, Ashburn, VA — 5, 6
Edmund Conti, Raleigh, NC — 6
Glenn Anthony, San Carlos, CA — 7, 9
David Bloyer, Comer, GA — 8
Colonel Howie, The Pentagon, VA — Topic
Kilroy, Washington, DC — Graffitist

RUNNERS UP list — Super Zeroes

Because the Marines wouldn’t put up with that ridiculous uniform.
     (Mark Weiss, Austin, TX)

Constantly using his ring to conjure up a bottle of Jeremiah Weed.
     (Colonel Howie, The Pentagon, VA)

Doesn’t know the difference between tactics, grand tactics, and
     (Warren Okuma, Honolulu, HI)

Flies all day and drinks all night. Duh.
     (Mark Weiss, Austin, TX)

He’s a ring-knocker. Duh.
     (Kevin Dopart, Washington, DC)

He’s now even greener with envy at Top Gun graduates.
     (Kevin Dopart, Washington, DC)

Insists on consummating relations with the love interest in the
first scene, just in case things don’t go as planned up in the
     (Glenn Anthony, San Carlos, CA)

Never fits the right stuff into an envelope.
     (Kevin Dopart, Washington, DC)

Now that he can go into outer space anytime with no ill effects,
he sorta loses interest.
     (Douglas Frank, Crosby, TX)

Repeats clever rhymes before flying, like “In brightest day, in
blackest night, no evil shall escape my sight,” “Kick the tires,
we’re all liars,” and “Never fear, a beer is near.”
     (Kevin Dopart, Washington, DC)

Wears the typical off-color flight suit with tacky insignia.
     (Kevin Dopart, Washington, DC)

Runners Up list name
     (Kevin Dopart, Washington, DC)