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May 5, 2011      Share

NOTE FROM KILROY:
In the sleepy suburban town of Abbottabad,
Pakistan on Sunday night, JSOC rappelled
in on helicopters and raided Usama bin
Laden’s home, killing him and a few others
in a bold surgical strike that has
dominated the news. TopFive got hold of
the audio from a SEAL buddy, and we’re
going to fill you in on some details.

The Top 9 Things Overheard at the
Abbottabad Safe House Sunday Night

9> “Good evening, Mr. bin Laden. We’re SEAL Team Six, your last
responders.”

8> “Hey, Abbottabad! Who’s gone first?”

7> “Good news: 72 virgins are waiting for you. Bad news: They’re
all sharks.”

6> “Ha, joke’s on you, infidel. Getting shot in the head by a
SEAL was on my bucket list.”

5> “My trusted courier, next time I say, ‘Let’s go someplace
like Bolivia’, let’s go someplace like Bolivia.”

4> “I thought feminine shields provided all-day protection?”

3> “We have the DNA sample. Repeat: We have the DNA sample. Also
a blood sample. Also a jaw sample, tooth samples, and several
skull bone samples, plus a pretty-good-sized brain sample.”

2> “Why did we waste all that time looking in Costellobad?”

and the Number 1 Thing Overheard at the Abbottabad Safe House Sunday Night…
1> “But first, a little roo-roo.”


.

Credits:

Selected from 53 submissions from 12 contributors.
This week’s list authors are:

Bob Dalton, Arlington, VA — 1, 3, 9 (3-day pass!/8th #1!)
Andrew Hoenig, Rockville, MD — 2
Kevin Dopart, Washington, DC — 4, 7
David Bloyer, Comer, GA — 5
Glenn Anthony, San Carlos, CA — 6
Jeffrey Contompasis, Ashburn, VA — 8
Colonel Howie, The Pentagon, VA — Topic
Kilroy, Washington, DC — Graffitist

RUNNERS UP list — Lost Words

“A zeal team? Excellent! We must all have great zeal for
al-Qa’ida.”
     (Bob Dalton, Arlington, VA)

“Before you shoot, please, someone explain ‘Inception’ to me.”
     (Glenn Anthony, San Carlos, CA)

“Bin Laden? No, I am sorry, but my name is Owairya bin Haydn.”
     (Larry Hollister, Concord, CA)

“Calgon, take me away!”
     (David Bloyer, Comer, GA)

“Can’t you damned Pakistan Military Academy clowns keep your
helicopters OFF MY LAWN?”
     (Bob Dalton, Arlington, VA)

“Damn! I need a *wider* wife.”
     (Bob Dalton, Arlington, VA)

“No, sir, we’re definitely *not* from the Homeowner’s
Association.”
     (Bob Dalton, Arlington, VA)

“No, sir, you’re not under arrest. And your ‘mug shot’ won’t
involve a camera.”
     (Bob Dalton, Arlington, VA)

“Now we see eye-to-um, not eye.”
     (Kevin Dopart, Washington, DC)

“Our work here is done. So, as someone once said: Let’s roll.”
     (Bob Dalton, Arlington, VA)

“Special delivery from New York, Arlington, and Pennsylvania.”
     (Andrew Hackard, Austin, TX)

“Today’s forecast: Cloudy with a chance of scattered brain.”
     (Jeffrey Contompasis, Ashburn, VA)

Runners Up list name
     (Jeffrey Contompasis, Ashburn, VA)

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