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August 17, 2011      Share

NOTE FROM KILROY:
Former astronaut and adult-diaper wearer Lisa Nowak
(who had already been dismissed from NASA in 2007
after she drove from Houston to Orlando and pepper
sprayed a romantic rival) is finally being forced
to retire from the Navy with an “other than honorable”
discharge, more than 4 years after what was probably
an attempted kidnapping/murder, but at a minimum was
felony burglary of a car and misdemeanor battery.

Hey, can you imagine how crazy
that retirement party would be?

The Top 9 Things Overheard at
Lisa Nowak’s Retirement Party

9> “Here, I got you a box of adult diapers. They’ll soak up all
of your ‘other than honorable’ discharges.”

8> “I hear eHarmony has hired her… to use Match.com.”

7> “Other than honorable? Try other than rational.”

6> “Houston, you’ve no longer got a problem.”

5> “Driving for hours on end with laser focus and no need to stop
to pee? Yeah, she’s going on to win NASCAR.”

4> “Fair winds and stalking, um, following seas.”

3> “I didn’t mind coming, but driving halfway across the country
at night to get here, just to recreate her *other* big day
wasn’t worth it.”

2> “What? You’re kidding! ‘The Real Former Housewives of Cape
Canaveral’?”

and the Number 1 Thing Overheard at Lisa Nowak’s Retirement Party…
1> “Best of luck, Captain Nowak! Oops, Commander Nowak. Er, Mrs.
Nowak. Um, Ms. Nowak.”


.

Credits:

Selected from 40 submissions from 9 contributors.
This week’s list authors are:

Bob Dalton, Arlington, VA — 1, 2, 4, Banner tag (9th #1!)
Leonard Topolski, Pearland, TX — 3
Kevin Dopart, Washington, DC — 4, 8
Glenn Anthony, San Carlos, CA — 5, 9
Marty McCullen, Gettysburg, PA — 6
David Bloyer, Comer, GA — 7
Colonel Howie, The Pentagon, VA — Topic
Kilroy, Washington, DC — Graffitist

RUNNERS UP list — More ‘Wak Jobs

“Did you notice no SEALs attended? Wasn’t crazy enough for them.”
     (Warren Okuma, Honolulu, HI)

“I just asked the DJ to play ‘The Things We Do for Love.’”
     (Bob Dalton, Arlington, VA)

“I’d wrap her up in duct tape.”
     (Marty McCullen, Gettysburg, PA)

“Only 4 years later… and I thought the Army was slow.”
     (David Bloyer, Comer, GA)

“She gives ‘spacy’ a bad name.”
     (Kevin Dopart, Washington, DC)

“Some people call her ‘The Space Cowgirl,’ some call her
‘The Gangster of Love’ ….”
     (Bob Dalton, Arlington, VA)

“The good news as far as Navy scandals go, at least she didn’t
kill any Japanese fisherman.”
     (Jeffrey Contompasis, Ashburn, VA)

“There she goes — the Navy’s most dangerous incontinent ballistic
missile.”
     (Bob Dalton, Arlington, VA)

Runners Up list name
     (Kevin Dopart, Washington, DC)

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