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August 25, 2011      Share

It’s back-to-school time for the kids, which
brings back some fond memories. Or not.

The Top 9 Differences Between
Drill Instructors and Teachers

9> Teacher: “Ssshhhhh, no talking.” Drill instructor: “I can’t
HEAR you!”

8> You’re a helluva lot more likely to sleep with your teacher
than your D.I.

7> A drill sergeant can still punish corporals, but a teacher
can no longer use corporal punishment.

6> Teachers tend to maintain sufficient distance that their
spittle doesn’t impact your face.

5> Teachers aren’t supposed to use cursive anymore; D.I.’s aren’t
supposed to use cursing.

4> You detest both while they’re in control of your life, but
later you can look back and realize you still hate the

3> Toothbrush: In the eyes of one, a dental hygiene device. The
other, a tile cleaning accessory.

2> You rarely hear a teacher say, “Smoke ‘em if you got ‘em.”

and the Number 1 Difference Between Drill Instructors and Teachers…
1> If you’re talking about my S.O.B. high school gym teacher,
there really isn’t a difference.



Selected from 36 submissions from 12 contributors.
This week’s list authors are:

Chuck Salerno, Norcross, GA — 1 (2nd #1!)
Michael Cunningham, Woodridge, IL — 2
Leonard Topolski, Pearland, TX — 3
Kevin Dopart, Washington, DC — 4, Banner tag
Jeffrey Contompasis, Ashburn, VA — 5
Marty McCullen, Gettysburg, PA — 6
David Bloyer, Comer, GA — 7
Mark Weiss, Austin, TX — 8
Larry Hollister, Concord, CA — 6, 9
Colonel Howie, The Pentagon, VA — Topic
Kilroy, Washington, DC — Graffitist

RUNNERS UP list — Left and Right Behind

A D.I. defends the Union; a union defends a teacher.
     (Kevin Dopart, Washington, DC)

A D.I. is much less likely to get shot during his career.
     (Kevin Dopart, Washington, DC)

Drill instructors kick your ass. Teachers kick your ass out of
     (Mark Weiss, Austin, TX)

Drill sergeants want mindless automatons who obey instantly, think
alike and conform to narrow guidelines. Oops, sorry…I meant
     (Michael Cunningham, Woodridge, IL)

Nowadays, for abusing someone, a D.I. may get ten years; whereas a
teacher may not get tenure.
     (Jeffrey Contompasis, Ashburn, VA)

Teachers are usually straightforward with you. Drill instructors
are sometimes oblique.
     (Marty McCullen, Gettysburg, PA)

Teachers teach life skills; D.I.’s teach death skills.
     (Michael Cunningham, Woodridge, IL)

Teachers try to make something out of the young dregs of society.
Drill sergeants succeed.
     (Kevin Dopart, Washington, DC)

Teachers will point out your mistakes. Drill Instructors will boot
out your mistakes.
     (Michael Cunningham, Woodridge, IL)

The teacher asks: “What’s 4 times 5?” The DI says: “Give me 20!”
     (Kevin Dopart, Washington, DC)

The teacher pushes the three R’s, the D.I. is happy with just R&R.
     (Kevin Dopart, Washington, DC)

Your teacher never alluded so cleverly to the fact your parents
got married after you were born.
     (Leonard Topolski, Pearland, TX)

Runners Up list name
     (Kevin Dopart, Washington, DC)