Take two and call us in the morning

NOTE FROM RANDY:

Netted jump seats? Not good enough. Cheap
backward-facing airline-style seats? Ditto. Same
with the old Airstream trailers. *Now* the VIPs
on Air Force transport planes not only want to
ride in style in their new “Comfort Capsules,”
they want to pay for them with Counterterrorism
funds, which is pissing off the troops *and* the
taxpayers. But wow, are they ever worth it!

The Top 9 Coolest Things About
the New Air Force Comfort Capsule

9> Proximity detection and messaging system that warns: “If this capsule’s a rockin’, don’t come a knockin.”

8> Each seat has a motorized ass-kisser.

7> IMAX in the basement.

6> The crew chief assigned to test the structural shell *accidentally* circulated the warning on how easy it is to break the tie-downs. (”Oops, my bad, sir. Tee hee!”)

5> Short runway for the lingerie supermodels to walk down.

4> 72-inch screen surround-sound system that includes the leadership DVD, “Keeping in touch with your troops.”

3> Rich Corinthian leather seats.

2> When not airborne, it conveniently doubles as a BIG WHOPPING EMBARRASSING EXAMPLE OF FRAUDULENTLY WASTED TAX REVENUE AND ABUSE OF POWER. And God knows we don’t have enough of *those*!

and the Number 1 Coolest Thing About the New Air Force Comfort Capsule…

1> No longer have to parachute down; just take the Wonkavator.

.

Credits:

Selected from 37 submissions from 10 contributors.
This week’s list authors are:

Michele Lord, Lincoln, NE — 1 (4th #1! You gain meat!)
Douglas Frank, Crosby, TX — 2, 6
Dave Ferry, Purvis, MS — 3
Kevin Dopart, Washington, DC — 4, 9, Banner tag
David Bloyer, Comer, GA — 5
Peter Casper, Brisbane, Australia — 7
Mark Weiss, Austin, TX — 8
Colonel Howie, The Pentagon, VA — Topic
Marty McCullen, Gettysburg, PA — Banner tag
Randy Lee, Burke, VA — Staff Duty Officer (SDO)