March 7, 2001
We aim to prove that laughter is, indeed, the best medicine.
I am very proud to present our inaugural list
– enjoy it in good health!
Yet-to-Be-Discovered Diseases
9> Gluteus Missingus: a congenitally acquired atrophy of the
gluteal region resulting in buttocks that are abnormally small
in proportion to the rest of the body. Experimental treatment
available in the form of the new medication, Noassatol.
8> Sudden Onset Perforations Riddled Around Numerous Organs
Syndrome: uniformly fatal and commonly referred to by the
acronym S.O.P.R.A.N.O.S.
7> Applause: a highly advanced stage of the clap.
6> Parkingson’s Disease: the inability to see available spaces
farther than ten yards from any supermarket entrance.
5> Memorrhoids: a recurrent inflammation of that old grudge
you’ve been sitting on for years.
4> Carpal-Channel Syndrome: a condition most often observed in
the convalescent stage of acute alcohol intoxication when the
only thing you can do the next day is lie on the couch and
click the remote. May also manifest as Carpal-Chunnel
Syndrome when you are forced to watch bad BBC-TV because the
remote is out of reach.
3> Spamthrax: the irresistible compulsion to forward meaningless
chain letters to your entire mailing list.
2> Harlot Fever: newly discovered cause of tarty behavior in
bars and lounges.
feeling that you’ve read this magazine in another doctor’s
waiting room in 1987.
Selected from 35 submissions from 10 contributors.
Today’s Top 5 List authors are:
Nick Ellinger, Nashville, TN — 1 (2nd #1!)
Bethany Grenald, Ann Arbor, MI — 2, 5
Dawson E. Rambo, Santa Rosa, CA — 3
Jane McCabe, Laguna Hills, CA — 4
Soldier Doc, Location Undisclosed — 6
Soundgarden — Ambience
Dr. Liz — Surgeon General