Previous list: 
July 26, 2007
assistant rules. Make him happy, and you and
your patients are happy. Make her mad …
Your NA Is a Terrorist
9> Insists on calling you “Mr. Unwashed Infidel,” even after
finishing your sponge bath.
8> He seems to talk a lot about bio-weapons, and the way he
fondles those red waste bags is just creepy.
7> Sponge-bath sessions constantly being interrupted by Homeland
Security agents, who usually wind up confiscating the no-rinse
shampoo “as a precaution.”
6> Every time he changes the bedpan he expresses admiration for
your “dirty bomb” skills.
5> Most NAs: Clothes smell slightly of old man’s gas.
Your NA: Clothes smell slightly of nerve gas.
4> He constantly refers to LPNs and RNs as “bourgeoisie
capitalist scum.”
3> That sulfurous smell in the air? She’s trying to light the
fuse on her stethoscope.
2> A wild-eyed Jack Bauer bursts into your hospital room,
barricades the door, and breathlessly asks if you know how to
use a Glock.
you hear the faint sound of an explosion.
Selected from 29 submissions from 10 contributors.
This week’s list authors are:
Bill Livingston, Decatur, AL — 1, 4, 7 (Hat trick!)
Larry Hollister, Concord, CA — 2, 3, 6 (Hat trick!)
Joe Paraschac, San Jose, CA — 5, 9
Melanie Clark MD, Kalamazoo, MI — 8
Kim Walker-Daniels RN/NWA, Madison, WI — Nurse Manager
curiously, she declined the takeoff and landing modules.
(Stephen A. Segall, Poplar Bluff, MO)
WHO signed you up for this HMO?
(Mark Sweatt, Marietta, GA)
Runners Up list name
(Bill Livingston, Decatur, AL)