December 6, 2007     

Oh, reindeer crap!

NOTE FROM KIM:

There are definitely identifiable health
hazards that have to be addressed when working
for the Big Guy at the North Pole. But you
might be surprised at some of the specific
coverages bargained for by the Elves Union…

The Top 9 Provisions in the
North Pole’s New Health Coverage

9> Only Santa gets EKG (Elf Kick in the Groin) benefits.

8> Preventive healthcare: Backup lights installed on Santa’s
butt.

7> Still no coverage for any animal-related STDs.

6> Co-plays up from 10 to 15 minutes.

5> Eggnog detox, and unlimited rehab visits for cocoacane
addiction.

4> Every kid on earth gets a “Junior Doctor” kit in his or her
stocking this year!

3> After years of negotiations, workers can finally see someone
besides Hermey for dental problems.

2> After that unfortunate incident with Blitzen and the assault
rifle, the entire workshop heads down to Florida on December
26 as part of “seasonal affective disorder” coverage.

and the Number 1 Provision In the North Pole’s New Health Coverage…

1> Still can’t get Viagra covered without trying mistletoe first.

.

Credits:

Selected from 33 submissions from 12 contributors.
This week’s list authors are:

Keith F. Woeltje, St. Louis, MO — 1, 2, 3, 5 (Hat trick!)
Bill Livingston, Decatur, AL — 4
Edward Rodman, Ocean, NJ — 5, 6
Steve Lunetta, Tucson, AZ — 7
Randy Lee, Burke, VA — 8
Larry Hollister, Concord, CA — 9
Kim Walker-Daniels RN/NWA, Madison, WI — Nurse Manager