September 11th, 2008



NOTE FROM KIM:
It’s going to be a long one.


The Top 7 Health Tips for
Surviving the Political Season


7> If you have a heart condition, and you’re a Republican, don’t watch MSNBC; if you’re a Democrat, don’t watch Fox News; and if you’re a Libertarian, Just. Don’t. Watch. Anything.

6> Close eyes, cover ears, scream, repeat till December.

5> Full-skin, littoral-zone application of ambient Vitamin D while in a recumbent position, constant infusion of small doses of ethyl hydrate in a sugary citric solution, with occasional digital manipulation of the trapezius muscles. (Go lie on the beach, get a tan, drink a Mai Tai and get a backrub.)

4> Gonorrhealectum can’t be cured, but if the symptoms become too much to handle, take two shots and go to bed until 2009.

3> Step 1: Get a continuously running insulin pump. Step 2: Fill with Zofran.

2> Avoid drinking games with instructions like “Every time he mentions (hope/moose/change/bridge/etc.), do a shot.”

and the Number 1 Health Tip for Surviving the Political Season…

1> Locate power cords to all televisions. Unplug until Nov 5th.




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Credits:

Selected from 43 submissions from 14 contributors.
This week’s list authors are:

Leonard Topolski, Pearland, TX — 1
Bill Livingston, Decatur, AL — 2, 7
Keith F. Woeltje, St. Louis, MO — 3
Jim G. Phynn, Horsham, PA — 4
Melony Lamusk RN, Crenshaw, WI — 4, Banner tag
Doug Paul, Melbourne, FL — 5
Michele Lord, Lincoln, NE — 6
Kim Walker-Daniels RN/NWA, Madison, WI — Charge Nurse



RUNNERS UP list — Campaign Relievers

Eat right, get plenty of rest and regularly exercise… YOUR RIGHT OF FREE SPEECH! GIVE ‘EM HELL!! It’s cathartic.
(Doug Frank, Crosby, TX)


Runners Up list name
(Bill Livingston, Decatur, AL)