Previous list: 
September 20, 2007
they all come here and they all get the red
carpet treatment. There are upsides (the
floors get freshly buffed), downsides (men
in dark sunglasses start rummaging through
every fruit basket delivered), and then
there are just plain ugly consequences (you
accidentally wore the team colors, so now
you have to wipe the coach’s butt all day).
Things About Celebrity Patients
8> Bad: Paparazzi always capturing the “rubber glove/bend over”
portion of the exam.
Good: Most are lining up to assist.
7> Good: Plenty of media archive photos of piercings and tattoos
to assist in identifying the body.
6> Bad: Out of habit, his teammates keep trying to spike the
colostomy bag.
5> Good: Most of them can’t spell “HMO.”
4> Bad: You can’t tell when it hurts where you press because
she’s had so many Botox injections.
Good: She can’t either.
3> Good: All the publicity lets you negotiate a deal for a daily
medical advice TV show.
Bad: You’re contractually obligated to be billed as
“Dr. Polyp.”
2> Bad: Years of Jim Beam and green M&M’s make for some pretty
foul bedpan contents.
Good: The bedpan contents sell on eBay for $1500.
Ugly: The Post Office’s ban on shipping toxic waste means you
have to deliver the load to the winner yourself.
he signed it, “Mother Shabooboo.”
Selected from 27 submissions from 8 contributors.
This week’s list authors are:
Brandon Eldridge PharmD, St. Louis, MO — 1
Mark Sweatt, Marietta, GA — 2
Bill Livingston, Decatur, AL — 3, 6
Judith Cottrill, Bronx, NY — 4
Scott Witmer, Hanover, PA — 5, 7, 8 (Hat trick!)
Kim Walker-Daniels RN/NWA, Madison, WI — Nurse Manager