NOTE FROM GEOFF:

Everyone give a big Top5 Law welcome
to our newest contributor:
Bill MacDonald, of Alexandria, VA

The Top 9 Worst Ways to
Begin Opening Statements

9> “Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, even though you wretched peckerwoods are all too stupid, ignorant, and unimportant to avoid jury service, I’m sure you can understand my client’s position…”

8> “In the words of O.J. Simpson…”

7> “That guy over there? He’s full of shit.”

6> “My client loves all men. Mostly with a Bernaise Sauce and bottle of zinfandel, but loves them nonetheless.”

5> “Even though all the evidence makes my client look really, REALLY guilty….”

4> “Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, you’re probably wondering where my pants are.”

3> “He didn’t do it. Thank you.”

2> “I’ll try to make this brief so you can fry my thieving bastard of a client.”

and the Number 1 Worst Way to Begin Opening Statements…

1> “I’m sorry, your honor, I can’t make an opening statement. I seem to have wet my pants.”

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Credits:

Selected from 56 submissions from 11 contributors.
Today’s Top 5 List authors are:

Dawson E. Rambo, Santa Rosa, CA — 1, 3, 7, 9 (1st #1! Hat Trick!)
Brent McDaniel, Atlanta, GA — 2, 5, 9 (Hat Trick!)
Slick Sharkey, Miami, FL — 4, 9
BT Cesul, Ann Arbor, MI — 6
Marty Cole, Fayetteville, NY — 8, 9, Banner Tag
Mark Weiss, Austin, TX — 9
Jeffrey Anbinder, New York, NY — 9
Bill Wickart, Washington Co, OR — Topic
Geoff Brown, Ann Arbor, MI — Top5 Law Chief Justice