The Top 9 Ways to
Streamline the Judicial System

9> Graduating from law school automatically includes a million-dollar bank account and a five-year prison sentence.

8> The appeals process? Two attorneys and one judge, thirty apples and one paring knife each… GO!

7> Goodbye, bailiffs… hello, starving Bengal tigers!

6> All copies of all documents to be presented to the court are to be hand written. Fifty-eight page affidavits suddenly get reworded into three paragraphs.

5> All civil trials should be replaced with a three-round steel cage match.

4> Given the right to a speedy trial, barristers are replaced by auctioneers, who also do the plea-bargaining.

3> Each side gets only two objections per trial, and none in the final two minutes (although the bench may sustain an unvoiced objection).

2> Jury deliberations deadlocked after more than four hours should be decided using rock-paper-scissors.

and the Number 1 Way to Streamline the Judicial System…

1> Limit expert testimony on evidence to 10 seconds for each witness. DNA testimony: “He did it.” Rebuttal: “Did not.”

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Credits:

Selected from 44 submissions from 8 contributors.
Today’s Top 5 List authors are:

Dawson E. Rambo, Santa Rosa, CA — 1, 5 (7th #1!)
Scott Witmer, Hanover, PA — 2, 9
Bill Wickart, Hillsboro, OR — 3, 4, Topic
Peter Casper, Brisbane, Australia — 6
Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA — 7, 8
Geoff Brown, Ann Arbor, MI — Top5 Law Chief Justice