The Top 9 Ways to Annoy a Judge

9> Play “keep away” with the gavel.

8> Appeal all his rulings directly to his mother.

7> “Your honor, I’m preparing to defend my client using the strategy shown on Law & Order Episode #93…”

6> Continually making “Vroom, vroom!” noises during accident-reconstruction testimony.

5> Continually insist upon using sock puppets to cross-examine witnesses.

4> Ask for permission to approach the bench — then lie prone and sneak up on it from the side nearest the court recorder.

3> In every receiving stolen property case, rely solely on the “Doctrine of ‘Finders Keepers, Losers Weepers.’”

2> “And then these two ‘yutes’… I’m sorry Your Honor, I just wanted to say that during a trial once in my lifetime.”

and the Number 1 Way to Annoy a Judge…

1> “Contempt?! I got your contempt right *here*!”

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Credits:

Selected from 77 submissions from 8 contributors.
Today’s Top 5 List authors are:

Dennis Koho, Keizer, OR — 1 (1st #1! Woo-hoo!)
Mark Weiss, Austin, TX — 1 (Woo-hoo! 2nd #1!)
BT Cesul, Ann Arbor, MI — 2, 7
Dawson E. Rambo, Santa Rosa, CA — 3, 5, 6 (Hat Trick!)
Bill “Prune” Wickart, Washington Co, OR — 4
Slick Sharkey, Miami, FL — 8, Banner Tag
Wade Kwon, Birmingham, AL — 9
Mollie Hawes, Buffalo Grove, IL — Topic
Mike Ruiz, North Tonawanda, NY — RU List Name
Geoff Brown, Ann Arbor, MI — Top5 Law Chief Justice