The Top 9 Ways the Military Would
Be Different If It Were Run by Lawyers

9> The rules of engagement would require a soldier to contact his opponent and inquire whether he has any objection prior to initiating any attack.

8> You can forget any problems with those appropriations bills.

7> Billing time is from 0500 hours to 2700 hours.

6> Covert operations now consist of your 120-pound intern, Milton, being parachuted into enemy territory with a briefcase, four legal pads and a pack of Bic Rollerballs.

5> “Double-time it” would have the common meaning, instead of that weird running-in-step garbage.

4> Instead of charging a hill to attack the enemy, the platoon leader would just submit a writ of habeas corpus to the other side.

3> “Your honor, I request permission to rip the head off this witness and crap down his neck!”

2> We’d pay top dollar for everything, but we’d actually *get* the highest quality. Otherwise, we’d sue their fatigues off.

and the Number 1 Way the Military Would Be Different If It Were
Run by Lawyers…

1> The senior people would have privileges and perks far beyond those of the transient yahoos in the weird outfits, and– ummm, maybe we’re already in charge?

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Credits:

Selected from 28 submissions from 7 contributors.
Today’s Top 5 List authors are:

Bill Wickart, Hillsboro, OR — 1, 2, 5, 8 (9th #1!
Affirmed!)
Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA — 3
Dawson E. Rambo, Santa Rosa, CA — 4
BT Cesul, Troy, OH — 6
Tricia Hoffman-Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA — 7
Slick Sharkey, Miami, FL — 9
Marty Cole, Fayetteville, NY — Topic
Geoff Brown, Ann Arbor, MI — Top5 Law Chief Justice