NOTE FROM GEOFF:

Here in the USA, we’ll be celebrating our annual
Thanksgiving holiday by eating ourselves into
comas and watching the Detroit Lions (hopefully)
win their annual Thanksgiving game. Of course, we
here at Top5 Law couldn’t allow this festive occasion
to go by without honoring it in our own special way.

The Top 9 Ways Thanksgiving Would Be
Different If the Pilgrims Had Been Lawyers

9> Class action suits filed on behalf of turkeys would have made tofu the traditional meal within ten years.

8> The Indians would still owe the descendants of the pilgrims money for introducing them to tobacco.

7> The holiday meal would feature an animal that required even more billable hours to cook.

6> The natives would still be paying interest on the financing proposal for Manhattan Island.

5> Instead of bread crumbs, the turkey would be stuffed with shredded documents.

4> The giving of thanks for the food would be followed by fou

hours of motions to pass the various side dishes.

3> Lots of personal-injury suits due to Thanksgiving squash burning their mouths.

2> Pretty much a non-event. Once the lawyers realized their client base would be poverty-stricken zealots who paid their legal bills with dead squirrels, they sailed right back to England.

and the Number 1 Way Thanksgiving Would Be Different If the
Pilgrims Had Been Lawyers…

1> “I hereby declare and announce that I give ‘thanks’ as defined in section 302.5(a)(c), included but not limited to feelings of ‘warmth,’ as defined in section 302.5(d)(e), to my ‘family’ as defined in section 302.5(f)(g)….”

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Credits:

Selected from 42 submissions from 10 contributors.
Today’s Top 5 List authors are:

Dawson E. Rambo, Santa Rosa, CA — 1, 4 (9th #1!)
SH Armstrong, Jupiter, FL — 2
Bill Wickart, Hillsboro, OR — 3, 6
Scott Witmer, Hanover, PA — 4, 9
Nick Ortiz, Somerville, MA — 5
Slick Sharkey, Miami, FL — 7
Bruce K. Skillin, Decatur, GA — 8
Marty Cole, Fayetteville, NY — Topic
Geoff Brown, Ann Arbor, MI — Top5 Law Chief Justice