NOTE FROM GEOFF:

This is a topic near and dear to me, as I will be
graduating this Saturday from the University of
Michigan Law School. To all of you graduating,
congratulations. And to you 1Ls and 2Ls — hang in
there, and enjoy yourselves — it’s over before you know it.

The Top 9 Things You’d Rather Not Hear
During Your Law School Commencement Address

9> “Now, everybody line up to hand over your souls.”

8> “Welcome graduates, parents, spouses, deans… I’m wearing no pants.”

7> “… and while we are very excited for your accomplishments, we’ve unfortunately gone broke and couldn’t afford to print your diplomas.”

6> “Unfortunately, due to a poorly worded bill in the state legislature creating ‘Shakespeare Appreciation Month’ we are now legally required to kill all of you.”

5> “Welcome to the graduating class of 2003, parents, friends, honored guests and newly appointed United States Supreme Court Justice Geoff Brown…”

4> “Look to your left. Look to your right. One of those two people will be disciplined by the Bar within three years.”

3> “Now, Justices Scalia and Ginsburg will sing a duet of ‘My Endless Love.’”

2> “The last three years of your life and the $90,000 it took to get here have taught you absolutely nothing about the real practice of law. Now, go get ‘em.”

and the Number 1 Thing You’d Rather Not Hear During Your Law
School Commencement Address…

1> “And now for our commencement speaker, Mr. Gilbert Gottfried.”

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Credits:

Selected from 43 submissions from 12 contributors.
Today’s Top 5 List authors are:

BT Cesul, Troy, OH — 1, 6, 8 (Hat trick!
10th #1!)
Tricia Hoffman-Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA — 2
Bruce K. Skillin, Ocean Park, ME — 3
Mark Weiss, Austin, TX — 4
Bill Wickart, Hillsboro, OR — 5
Jeff Gordon, Raleigh, NC — 7
Slick Sharkey, Miami, FL — 9
Rabbi Crut, Bowling Green, OH — Runner-up List Name
Geoff Brown, Ann Arbor, MI — Top5 Law Chief Justice