The Top 9 Rejected
Out-of-Court Settlements

9> Lawsuit: Cigarette damage. Settlement: Free packs of Camel “Filtered” for those involved.

8> All the profits from OJ’s 1-900 number.

7> The defendant agreed to go live in Quebec for a year. No judge is that cruel.

6> Paula Corbin Jones v. William Jefferson Clinton: “Just sign this apology…thank you, sir. Now, if you’ll drop your trousers, we can begin the neutering…”

5> Jane Doe, Rachel Roe, Et. Al., v. Pepe LePew: $50,000 to each plaintiff for sexual harassment. $100,000 to each plaintiff for that stupid French accent.

4> “If the president just admits it, we’ll forget this whole impeachment thing.”

3> Gore v. Bush, 2000 — Gore gets to be Vice President in exchange for a complete collection of albums by the Chad Mitchell Trio.

2> United States v. Martha Stewart: Every man, woman, and child in the USA shall be allowed to slap Ms. Stewart one (1) time. No backhands.

and the Number 1 Rejected Out-of-Court Settlement…

1> Maxim gets Mary-Kate, Stuff gets Ashley.

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Credits:

Selected from 31 submissions from 8 contributors.
Today’s Top 5 List authors are:

Wade Kwon, Birmingham, AL — 1 (6th #1!)
Jonathan Bernick, Conway, SC — 2, 5, 6 (Hat trick!)
Bill Wickart, Hillsboro, OR — 3, Topic, RU List Name
Nick Ortiz, Somerville, MA — 4, 7
BT Cesul, Ann Arbor, MI — 8, 9
Geoff Brown, Ann Arbor, MI — Top5 Law Chief Justice