NOTE FROM GEOFF:

Tomorrow night (or tonight at one minute past
midnight, for the intrepid fanboy), the
long-awaited Spider-Man 2 hits theaters. Every
Spider-Man fan knows that Peter Parker was a
photojournalist, but *we* wondered what would
happen if he took another career path.

The Top 9 Differences If
Peter Parker Were a Lawyer

9> Received his superpowers from the bite of a radioactive court stenographer.

8> Spidey Sense now tingles when an objection is upcoming.

7> Unpleasantly surprised to learn it’s impossible to do those daring leaps when encumbered by a briefcase and two boxes of evidence.

6> Every crime-stopping move would be preceded by a signed damage waiver.

5> Witty banter during fights with villains replaced by citations from appellate court decisions.

4> “On next week’s episode: In a dramatic conflict of interest, Peter Parker is forced to defend the Green Goblin. Will Spider-Man testify???”

3> Judge Octopus wields eight gavels in his quest to forcefully enact tort reform.

2> He would have a “paraspidey” to do all the real work.

and the Number 1 Difference If Peter Parker Were a Lawyer…

1> He’d refer to himself as “amicus locale homo arachnid.”

.

Credits:

Selected from 45 submissions from 9 contributors.
Today’s Top 5 List authors are:

Bill Wickart, Hillsboro, OR — 1, Topic (8th #1!)
Mark Weiss, Austin, TX — 2
BT Cesul, Troy, OH — 3, 8
Nick Ortiz, Somerville, MA — 4, 6
Scott Witmer, Hanover, PA — 5, 9
SH Armstrong, Jupiter, FL — 7
Geoff Brown, Ann Arbor, MI — Top5 Law Chief Justice