The Top 9 Pieces of
Advice for New Judges

9> “Overruled!” — OK. “Off with their heads!” — Not so much.

8> Remember, not all bailiffs are named “Rusty.”

7> It is inappropriate to rule against an attorney because back in law school he got that woman you had your eye on in Civ Pro.

6> Always check where your other hand is when pounding away with the gavel.

5> Avoid opening your dissenting opinions with “Mr. Chief Justice, you ignorant slut.”

4> It’s good to overrule the first few objections regardless, just to show those punk-ass attorneys who’s boss.

3> If you ever fall asleep during a trial, call the attorneys to the bench and ask them “Just what is going on here? Where is all of this leading?” in a stern tone to get a quick update.

2> Nothing conveys “somber jurisprudence” like ditching the gavel for a scythe.

and the Number 1 Piece of Advice for New Judges…

1> You should have thought about a possible name change before taking a job at juvenile court, Judge Wiener.

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Credits:

Selected from 24 submissions from 7 contributors.
This week’s list authors are:

Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA — 1, 2, 4, 8 (Affirmed! 47th #1!)
G. Griebenow, Johannesburg, S Africa — 3
Jeffrey Anbinder, New York, NY — 5
Mark Weiss, Austin, TX — 6, 7, 9 (Affirmed!)
Peter Casper, Brisbane, Australia — 9
Marty Cole, Fayetteville, NY — Topic
Geoff Brown, Commerce, MI — Top5 Law Chief Justice