The Top 9 Worst
Biometric Security Devices

9> F.A.R.T.: Flatulence-Assisted Recognition Technique

8> Put it this way: It only works for men, okay?

7> Dresses for White House interns that change color when they contact Presidential DNA

6> The Masturbation Style Analyzer — now with patented Left Hand Equivalence technology!

5> Baby’s First Breathalyzer

4> The Crush-o-Matic Wrist Bone Density Sampler

3> The Any-Bodily-Fluid-Will-Do Scanner

2> Genital scanner with revenue-generating “Enlarge Yours Today!” advertisements

and the Number 1 Worst Biometric Security Device…

1> The PiggieSqueal(tm) Sphincter Elasticity Measuring Prod

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Credits:

Selected from 43 submissions from 17 contributors.
Today’s Top 5 List authors are:

Kevin Maroney, New York, NY — 1, 4
Gideon Griebenow, Potch, SA — 2, 3
Jeffrey Anbinder, New York, NY — 5
Doug Crews, San Diego, CA — 6
Arthur Levesque, Laurel, MD — 7
Dave Storrs, New York, NY — 8
Matt Van Opens, Kenosha, WI — 9
Kim Moser, New York, NY — List Moderator