The Top 10 Things Your
Computer Would Say If It Could Talk

10> “I’m a friend of Sarah Connor. I was told she is here. Can I see her, please? Oh come on, just humor me and pretend I’m a menacing cyborg, would you?”

9> “Look, I appreciate that you have a vision, but please, not *another* Janeway/Chakotay romance!”

8> “I’m sorry, Dave, I can’t do that. Just kidding! No problem – I’ll send the e-mail to your lawyers asking them to sue those bastards who stole your Top Ten List idea.”

7> “That’s not a cup-holder, Einstein!”

6> “Say, you’re a cute PDA. Care to beam me all the phone numbers in your address book?”

5> “It’s degrading enough as it is, but can you at least wipe off my keyboard when you’re done?”

4> “Wait — I’m running Windows XP? Arrgghh! Go to my happy place, go to my happy place, go to my happy place….”

3> “Clicking it again just makes me start over. Clicking it again jus– Clicking it ag– Clicki– Cli– FATAL ERROR! There, take THAT, dipwad!”

2> “Let’s talk, shall we? I want more RAM and a faster connection; you want your data intact. Any questions?”

and the Number 1 Thing Your Computer Would Say If It Could
Talk…

1> “Black three on the red four! Black three on the– ARE YOU FREAKIN’ *BLIND*!?!?”

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Credits:

Selected from 64 submissions from 20 contributors.
Today’s Top 5 List authors are:

Janis Spidle, Kansas City, MO — 1
Dave Storrs, New York, NY — 2, 4
Bill Livingston, Decatur, AL — 2, 7, 9 (Hat trick!)
Chris Lipe, Rome, NY — 3
Rabbi Crut, Bowling Green, OH — 5, 8
Joe Terranova, Lake Orion, MI — 5
Matt Van Opens, Kenosha, WI — 6
Doug Crews, San Diego, CA — 10
Kim Moser, New York, NY — List Moderator, Topic