NOTE FROM KIM:

Several locations are vying to be the new base
for the US Air Force Cyber Command Center.

The Top 8 Things Overheard at
the US Air Force Cyber Command Center

8> “Soon we’ll have the authority to fire nuclear weapons into the strongholds of penis enlargement spammers.”

7> “Don’t ask a/s/l, don’t tell a/s/l.”

6> “The bad news is we still can’t physically locate bin Laden. The good news is we can flood his inbox with copies of every single piece of junk e-mail sent in North America!”

5> “Sorry Colonel, my bad. When the Captain sent me in here I didn’t hear the ‘de’ in defrag.”

4> “You mean all I have to do is declare porn as an enemy and then begin my ’surveillance’? I love this job!”

3> “Don’t worry, it’s not a nuclear attack. We just slapped the Missile Command interface over an anti-hacking utility.”

2> “Who cares about downloading the latest pics of Jenna Jameson off her web site? Just point one of the satellites at her house and watch a live feed.”

and the Number 1 Thing Overheard at the US Air Force Cyber Command Center…

1> “How bad does your carpal tunnel syndrome have to be to get a Purple Heart?”

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Credits:

Selected from 25 submissions from 9 contributors.
This week’s list authors are:

Bruce Kane, Charlotte, NC — 1, 2
Matt Van Opens, Watertown, WI — 3
Marshall Gatten, Glendale, CA — 4, 8
Donald Johnson, Cincinnati, OH — 5
Bill Livingston, Decatur, AL — 6
Daniel Attema, Adelaide, Australia — 7
Kim Moser, New York, NY — List Moderator, Topic

RUNNERS UP list — Maggots

“Can’t we just telecommute?”
(Jim G. Phynn, Horsham, PA)

“Drop and give me 00010100!”
(Donald Johnson, Cincinnati, OH)

“I hacked the Navy Quartermaster’s server! Let’s change all the admirals’ uniforms to powder-puff pink with duckies!”
(Bill Livingston, Decatur, AL)

“It’s amazing the intel you can get while masquerading as a 13-year-old girl!”
(Jim G. Phynn, Horsham, PA)

“So what if I can’t do three pushups? I can bring North Korea to its knees!”
(Bruce Kane, Charlotte, NC)