The Top 10 Signs Your
Internet Connection is Too Slow

10> Your TopFive submissions and the finished lists cross email paths.

9> By the time you finish downloading Miss June, her breasts have sagged 5 inches.

8> Your “Vote for Strom Thurmond–He’s the New Guy” screensaver is still downloading.

7> You’ve given up on Internet porn, figuring that going out, meeting a girl and convincing her to sleep with you will take less time and be more reliable.

6> You’ve given up on live webcams, and now surf looking for stick figure ASCIImation.

5> By the time your instructions get to her, your cyber-sexkitten is already smoking a cigarette.

4> You’ve only managed to download one exclamation point from Mahir’s web page.

3> By the time you finish downloading pics of Anna Nicole Smith, you’re actually old enough to marry her.

2> You’re thinking of *upgrading* to AOL.

and the Number 1 Sign Your Internet Connection is Too Slow…

1> While surfing one-handed, you finish before your download does.

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Credits:

Selected from 34 submissions from 12 contributors.
Today’s Top 5 List authors are:

Dave Storrs, New York, NY — 1
Mark Zinck, Grand Rapids, MI — 1, List Topic
Jody Davies, Rochester, NY — 2, 5
Brian Klesc, Joliet, IL — 3
Bruce Kane, Boynton Beach, FL — 4, 8
RW Lipp, Lenexa, KS — 6
Jack Scheer, Falls Church, VA — 7
Barry Wallace, Knoxville, TN — 7
Joe Terranova, Lake Orion, MI — 9
Kevin van Houten, The Colony, TX — 10
Kim Moser, New York, NY — List Moderator