The Top 8 Features of
Touch-Screen Voting Machines

8> Your first “trial” vote is free, but you can purchase six months of unlimited voting for only $29.95.

7> A newly installed loudspeaker allows the machine to actually *laugh* when you request a recount.

6> Paper receipt? Check. Visual and auditory confirmation? Check. Ability for any script kiddie to hack in? Uh-oh.

5> If you do the proper “Dance Dance Revolution” moves, you can vote more than once.

4> “To vote for Bush, press any key. To vote for Kerry, set KerryOptTLD1 in democrat.ini and reboot your voting machine.”

3> It scans the fingerprints of Kerry voters and automatically adds them to no-fly terrorist watch lists.

2> For some reason the machines can’t calculate the winner, but the loser keeps coming up as “John Q. Public.”

and the Number 1 Feature of Touch-Screen Voting Machines…

1> Voters are now able to give Bush the finger without fear of reprisal.

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Credits:

Selected from 44 submissions from 14 contributors.
Today’s Top 5 List authors are:

Matt Hurlburt, Stow, OH — 1
Kim Moser, New York, NY — 2, List Moderator,
Topic
Brandon Hunt, Braintree, MA — 3
Marshall Gatten, Glendale, CA — 3, 6
Marcelo Rinesi, Buenos Aires, Argentina — 4
Neal Miskin, Vancouver, BC — 4, 8
Bruce W. Alter, Fairfax Station, VA — 5
Doug Crews, San Diego, CA — 7