July 22, 2008     

The Top 9 Benefits of
Internet-Enabled Household Appliances
(Part II)

9> Blocking software means the can opener won’t open any Spam.

8> Your air freshener coordinates forest smells with your
current World of Warcraft location.

7> The refrigerator scans your wine bottle bar codes and warns you
about vintages that will prevent you from getting laid.

6> With a FlameWar brand toaster, your toast is guaranteed never
to be underdone.

5> Including the fridge, oven, microwave and dishwasher brings
you up to five Facebook friends!

4> Never pee in a specimen cup again. Just flush and upload.

3> Your Roomba e-mails you when it finds your kid’s stash of
contraband.

2> The freezer won’t let you access the ice cream without a valid
ticket from the treadmill.

and the Number 1 Benefit of Internet-Enabled Household Appliances…

1> Why settle for the same daily fuzzy image of Jesus when you
can select a custom photo to be burned onto your toast from a
massive online porn library?

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Credits:

Selected from 46 submissions from 16 contributors.
This week’s list authors are:

Donald Johnson, Cincinnati, OH — 1, 6, 9 (Hat trick!)
Nathan Sherman, Bellevue, WA — 2, 4
Douglas Frank, Crosby, TX — 3, 7, Topic
Doug Crews, San Diego, CA — 5, 6
John O’Byrne, Dublin, Ireland — 6
James Gaskin, Mesquite, TX — 8
John Schmidt, Dayton, OH — 9
Kim Moser, New York, NY — List Moderator