The Top 9 Signs You’re Married to the Antichrist

9> Other husbands just leave the room during “Touched by an Angel” reruns. Yours erupts in flames.

8> Seems like an awful lot of ranting about “damn nation” from somebody who isn’t Jeremiah Wright.

7> He keeps re-shelving “Dante’s Inferno” in with the travel books.

6> She [...]

The Top 9 Songs About Halloween(Part II)

9> “The Witch Is Back”

8> “Wind Beneath My Bat Wings”

7> “I’ve Sewn a Costume for Your Face”

6> “Every Death You Fake”

5> “Hungry Like the Wolfman”

4> “What’s Blood Got to Do with It?”

3> “Undead Melody”

2> “Me and Julio Down by the Graveyard”

and [...]

The Top 9 Song About Halloween(Part I)

9> “Almond Joys To The World”

8> “In The Shrill of The Night”

7> “A Hard Day’s Fright”

6> “Papa’s Got A Brand New Hag”

5> “Stairway to Hell”

4> “Smells Like Teen Brains”

3> “Fangs For the Memories”

2> “I Want Candy Corn”

and the Number 1 Song About Halloween [...]

The Top 9 Signs It’s Going to Be a Bad Halloween

9> Old Man Larson has escaped from the sanitarium and you’re the only virgin at the Halloween dance.

8> Everyone in San Francisco is wearing the French Maid costume, except the women.

7> You waited too long, and now the only candy left [...]

The Top 7 Advantages of Being Married to a Werewolf

7> House guests rarely overstay their welcome and survive.

6> You now know all dogs in your neighborhood by their names, breeds, and butt scents.

5> Maria Ouspenskaya makes a mean borscht.

4> Feel a little S&M might spice up the marriage? Just grab a rolled up newspaper!

3> [...]

NOTE FROM DAVE:

The Fly is seeing a resurgence — a new opera in LA based on Cronenburg’s film, the original 1958 classic is having retrospects on the big screens and a new book on the original film is due out from DavidHedison.com.

The Top 9 Advantages of Turning Into a Giant Fly

9> [...]

The Top 9 Things Overheard at a Mad Scientist Convention

9> “If an 8 ft. guy happens to page me, I’m not here.”

8> “Don’t mind me, that’s just the formaldehyde talking.”

7> “I need to recharge my electric shaver. Anyone know if a lightning storm is coming?”

6> “Based on lunch, someone should [...]

NOTE FROM DAVE:

It could have been an accident, or it could have been intentional. Either way, you got a helluva problem on your hands.

The Top 9 Signs You’ve Opened a Portal to Hell

9> The Republican Convention just convened in your living room.

8> Hitler just tried to sell [...]

NOTE FROM DAVE:

Through no fault of my own, I was recently watching “Jeepers Creepers” again and noticed the Creeper’s license plate BEATINGU. That got me thinking why don’t any other of the bringers of death and destruction have vanity plates? We shall correct this oversight!

The Top 9 Horror License Plates, Redux

9> Dracula: UR MYTYP

8> Hannibal [...]

NOTE FROM DAVE:

Not every author is Stephen King, and not every horror story is a good one. In fact, some are even too bad to even be made into SciFi Channel original movies.

The Top 8 Worst Opening Lines in a Horror Story(Part II)

8> “Dead people are not a talkative lot, and the [...]