October 26, 2009
era, finds cousins Micki (Louise Robey) and Ryan (John D. LeMay)
inheriting an antiques shop in Chicago, only to discover that the
former owner, their uncle, had made a pact with Satan and was
selling cursed objects. Now Micki and Ryan attempt to track down
these objects before they can cause additional misery.
The cursed objects ranged from a tea cup that steals
youthfulness to a woodchipper that ejects money based
on the value of the murdered body you stuff into it.
Now that the series is over 20 years old, it makes us wonder
what items would appear if the series was filmed today…
From “Friday the 13th: the Series”
7> The Cellphone of Road Rash: It ejects itself from the car just
before you are ejected after hitting that tree because you
were texting instead of driving, you idiot.
6> The Telephone of Garble: You call customer service and
it mysteriously changes the service rep into some
incomprehensible dude in New Dehli.
5> The Bankruptcy Travel Mug: You are compelled to stop at
Starbucks and order a triple mocha latte, when you really just
want a cup of regular coffee.
4> The Barometer of Endless Horror: Spill blood on it and Chris
White reruns the Hurricane List.
3> The Paris Hilton VidCam: Boink your boyfriend on it and you
become famous for no discernible reason.
2> Fuzzy Dice of Miranda: Suddenly changes the traffic light to
red just as you enter the intersection in front of a hung-over
state trooper.
only manage some lame-ass comedy list entries.
Selected from 28 submissions from 11 contributors.
This week’s list authors are:
Scott T. Goudsward, Haverhill, MA — 1, 5 (15th #1!)
James Knowles, Bellingham, WA — 2, 3
Douglas Drawsen, Pentucket, MA — 4
Mark D. Sabien, What Cheer, IA — 6, 7
Dave Goudsward, Lake Worth, FL — Zombie Master