September 25, 2003     

NOTE FROM JEFF:

A professor at the University of Wisconsin claims
that playing some video games may actually make
kids smarter. Surely that’s not all they can do?

The Top 6 Ways Video Games
Have Made You a Better Person

6> You can now go eight full hours without a bathroom break.

5> You’re much more tolerant of alien races and invading
sub-human hordes than the average guy.

4> It’s given you an appreciation for archaeology (as long as
the archaeologist wears a bikini and has huge breasts.)

3> Perfect future office worker: huge forearms, nonfunctional
legs.

2> If nothing else, it probably keeps you from injuring yourself
through excessive masturbation.

and the Number 1 Way Video Games Have Made You a Better Person…

1> Turns out sitting in a sunless room playing Quake your
whole life is good for your skin. Your fishbelly-white,
never-been-touched skin.

.

Credits:

Selected from 13 submissions from 3 contributors.
Today’s Top 5 List authors are:

Scott Witmer, Hanover, PA — 1, 5, 6 (13th #1/Hat trick!)
Upton O’Connor, Pompano Beach, FL — 2, 4
Steve Scherer, Rochester, NY — 3
Jeff Scherer, Brooklyn, NY — Guidance Counselor