May 22, 2003     

The Top 7 Ways High School
Would Be Better in The Matrix

7> Dodgeball and spitball fights 1000% cooler-looking.

6> Cheerleaders all wear skin-tight black leather. Actually the
whole school does, but the cheerleaders… wow.

5> During a boring class, you can sprint for the nearest phone
and say, “Tank, I need an exit!”

4> After school, you can download your calculus and American
history books plus three seasons of “Saved By the Bell” in a
little under ten minutes.

3> Your school has the most up-to-date computer technology. In
real life, schools are lucky to have an Apple IIe.

2> Anyone can slam dunk… and view the reverse angle at the same
time.

and the Number 1 Way High School Would Be Better in The Matrix…

1> The stuff in the feeding tube in the back of your neck is so
much better than cafeteria food.

.

Credits:

Selected from 26 submissions from 7 contributors.
Today’s Top 5 List authors are:

Steve Scherer, Rochester, NY — 1 (10th #1)
Scott Elmer, Wheaton, IL — 2, 6, 7 (Technical hat trick)
Rabbi Crut, Bowling Green OH — 3, 6
Upton O’Connor, Pompano Beach, FL — 4, 7
Dan Rone, Medford, OR — 5
Gary Tunstall, Houston, TX — 7
Jeff Scherer, Brooklyn, NY — Topic, Guidance Counselor