April 3, 2008      Share

The Top 8 Things a School Would
Have If They Had Unlimited Spending

8> A respectable 2:1 dermatologist/student ratio.

7> Breast augmentation surgery for all the cheerleaders.

6> Much like the Great Wall of China, the school’s new football
stadium can also be seen from space.

5> All students issued iPhones to avoid actual interaction wth
office staff.

4> State-of-the-art dungeon amenities for study hall and
detention.

3> The administration salaries soar with a 300% increase while
the teachers get a 8% cost-of-living increase.

2> Not sure, but they still won’t get air conditioning in all of
the classrooms.

and the Number 1 Thing a School Would Have if They Had Unlimited Spending…
1> Let’s just say no one makes fun of the Rifle Corps anymore.

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Credits:

Selected from 47 submissions from 12 contributors.
This week’s list authors are:

Gary O. Reynolds, Lafayette, IN — 1 (1st #1! Woot!)
Jim G. Phynn, Horsham, PA — 2
Guy Reeves, Houston, TX — 3, 4
Lance Petry, China — 3, 6
Michele Lord, Lincoln, NE — 4
Brandon Eldridge, St. Louis, MO — 5
Julie Nusbaum, Hamilton, IN — 6
Dave Oberhart, Durham, NC — 6
Trish Jensen, Reedsville, PA — 7
Jay Shuck, Minneapolis, MN — 8
Lance Petry, China — Topic
Dire Straits, London, England — Banner tag
Barb McMullen, Ann Arbor, MI — Class Clown

RUNNERS UP list — Overbudgeted

Bathrooms enlarged with bigger stalls to accommodate the bidets.
     (Michele Lord, Lincoln, NE)

Bright yellow limos replace school buses.
     (Trish Jensen, Reedsville, PA)
     (Vic Vitek, Hopewell Junction, NY)

Cashmere condoms for everyone!
     (Guy Reeves, Houston, TX)

Fully equipped day care center for the children of teachers and
students alike.
     (Trish Jensen, Reedsville, PA)

Mr. Wilson, the physics teacher, is now able to demonstrate
nuclear power in his class, now the he has a little Uranium-238.
     (Lance Petry, China)

Rumor has it the Driver Ed car corners like it’s on rails.
     (Steven Lunetta, Tucson, AZ)
     (Jim G. Phynn, Horsham, PA)

Special teachers from Emperor’s VIP Club for sex education
classes.
     (Vic Vitek, Hopewell Junction, NY)
     (Jay Shuck, Minneapolis, MN)
     (Steven Lunetta, Tucson, AZ)

The communications technology used by the football team rivals
anything they use in the NFL.
     (Jim G. Phynn, Horsham, PA)

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