January 22, 2004     

The Top 8 Signs You’re Not
Going to Be the Next Teen Idol

8> You have to stop halfway through your dance routine to use
your inhaler.

7> The only Madonna who lets you kiss her is in the school
chapel.

6> Young girls do scream in your presence, but the police are
usually not far behind.

5> Your over-hanging belly makes it impossible to see if you’re
really wearing hip-huggers.

4> The only songs you know are in Klingon.

3> You sing like Clay. Andrew Dice Clay.

2> The rest of the band is tired of practicing at your undisclosed
location. Besides, you have a country to run.

and the Number 1 Sign You’re Not Going to Be the Next Teen
Idol…

1> Your nipple ring keeps getting caught in your belly button
ring.

.

Credits:

Selected from 30 submissions from 9 contributors.
Today’s Top 5 List authors are:

Gideon Griebenow, Potchefstroom, South Africa — 1, 5 (2nd #1)
Kristian Idol, Burbank, CA — 2, 3
Mark Zinck, Grand Rapids, MI — 4
Scott Witmer, Hanover, PA — 6
Upton O’Connor, Pompano Beach, FL — 7, 8
Jeff Scherer, Brooklyn, NY — Topic,
Guidance Counselor