May 15, 2003     

The Top 9 Signs Your School
Paper Is Just Making Stuff Up

9> “Playing Football Likely to Lower Sperm Count”

8> Claims to have actually interviewed Jessica Lynch — while
she was a POW.

7> “Ancient Indian Burial Ground Discovered Under Girls’ Locker
Room”

6> You didn’t realize your school had a Quidditch team.

5> “School-wide Poll Shows 85% of Girls Find Newspaper Staff
Cooler Than Jocks”

4> “Biology Teacher Once Lead Singer of Whitesnake”

3> “School Cafeteria Receives Three Stars from Michelin Guide”

2> “The annual Computer Club Ball was a fabulous success as
elegantly dressed, attractive couples danced the night away.”

and the Number 1 Sign Your School Paper Is Just Making Stuff
Up…

1> “Principal Jones Not a Dickweed”

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Credits:

Selected from 36 submissions from 9 contributors.
Today’s Top 5 List authors are:

Dan Rone, Medford, OR — 1 (Woo-hoo! 1st #1!)
Gary Tunstall, Houston, TX — 2, 3
Steve Scherer, Rochester, NY — 4, 5, 7 (Hat trick!)
Rabbi Crut, Bowling Green OH — 5, 9
Scott Elmer, Wheaton, IL — 6
Chris White, Los Angeles, CA — 8
Jeff Scherer, Brooklyn, NY — Topic, Guidance Counselor