January 8, 2004     

The Top 9 Signs Your
Locker Needs Cleaning Out

9> The Phys Ed teachers have asked the principal to move your
locker farther away from the gym.

8> You remember leaving an apple. Someone else must have put that
tree in there.

7> That Hostess Twinkie actually started to decompose.

6> Some of the paper is so wadded up that it’s turned back to
wood.

5> Your locker maid quit mid-freshman year.

4> Your biology book now appears to have a pop-up section on
fungi.

3> Oscar the Grouch rented it as a timeshare while you were on
Christmas vacation.

2> It just won an award from the local horticultural society for
“Best Compost Bin.”

and the Number 1 Sign Your Locker Needs Cleaning Out…

1> The EPA has asked that you file an environmental impact
statement because of the potential loss of habitat for…
whatever those things are.

.

Credits:

Selected from 26 submissions from 8 contributors.
Today’s Top 5 List authors are:

Mark Zinck, Grand Rapids, MI — 1 (2nd #1)
Steve Scherer, Rochester, NY — 2, 7
Janis Spidle, Kansas City, MO — 3
Upton O’Connor, Pompano Beach, FL — 4, 6
Scott Witmer, Hanover, PA — 5
Peter Casper, Brisbane, Australia — 8
Kim Walker-Daniels, Sun Prairie, WI — 9
Jeff Scherer, Brooklyn, NY — Topic, Guidance Counselor