November 20, 2008      Share

The Top 8 Signs Your High
School Is Cutting Back on Cash

8> Payouts to victims of female teachers lower than last year.

7> The new school team name: The Serfs.

6> New Home Ec supply requirements: 1 egg, 1 hot sidewalk.

5> The school band now consists entirely of kazoos and spoons.

4> The Woodshop class project? Building desks.

3> All school announcements are preceded by “Brought to you by
the good folks at…”

2> Diplomas now sent via text message.

and the Number 1 Sign Your High School Is Cutting Back on Cash…
1> Instead of chalk, the teacher is actually now using her
fingernails on the blackboard.

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Credits:

Selected from 37 submissions from 11 contributors.
This week’s list authors are:

Judith Cottrill, Bronx, NY — 1, 3, 5 (Hat trick!) (1st #1!
Woot!)
Guy Reeves, Houston, TX — 2, 8, Banner tag
Doug Frank, Crosby, TX — 4
Michele Lord, Lincoln, NE — 5
Brian Bell, Seattle, WA — 6
Jay Shuck, Minneapolis, MN — 7
Barb McMullen, Ann Arbor, MI — Hall Monitor

RUNNERS UP list — Cutbacks

Cheerleaders recruited from the local strip club.
     (Dave Oberhart, Durham, NC)

Cigarette machines in every bathroom.
     (Steven Lunetta, Tucson, AZ)

Entire History Department replaced by the History Channel.
     (Dave Oberhart, Durham, NC)

Everybody gets to dissect one frog, right before it’s served for
lunch.
     (Gary O. Reynolds, Lafayette, IN)
     (Jay Shuck, Minneapolis, MN)

Headmaster wanders through the local market yelling “Boy for
sale!”
     (Peter Casper, Brisbane, Australia)

No teachers or textbooks in class, just a note on the blackboard
to bring up Wikipedia on your iPhone.
     (Guy Reeves, Houston, TX)

Serve hamburgers *every* day: bun on Monday, meat on Tuesday,
lettuce on Wednesday…
     (Doug Frank, Crosby, TX)

The football team suffers greatly after it was announced they
couldn’t afford helmets this year.
     (Michael Cunningham, Woodridge, IL)

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