June 5, 2003     

NOTE FROM JEFF:

Public schools are closing at record
rates around the country. Libraries, too.
What a perfect time for a tax cut!

The Top 9 Signs They’re
Planning to Close Down Your School

9> The “OVERDUE:PLEASE REMIT IMMEDIATELY” electric bills are
piling up on the front steps.

8> The idling bulldozer outside the window makes it kind of hard
to concentrate on trigonometry.

7> All the desks and chairs now have yard sale price tags on
them.

6> “Good luck on your final exams. Emphasis on FINAL.”

5> Yesterday, tractors turned over the football field and planted
wheat.

4> Most of the dope dealers and perverts have relocated to spots
outside other schools.

3> At halftime of homecoming, the marching band plays “Taps.”

2> The fire drill was routine. Finding the doors locked behind
you, not so much.

and the Number 1 Sign They’re Planning to Close Down Your
School…

1> The one and only problem on your math final: “Make a list of
anyone you know who might need a math teacher next year.”

.

Credits:

Selected from 25 submissions from 7 contributors.
Today’s Top 5 List authors are:

Chris White, Los Angeles, CA — 1, 3 (9th #1)
Kim Walker-Daniels, Sun Prairie, WI — 2
Scott Witmer, Hanover, PA — 4, 7
Steve Scherer, Rochester, NY — 5, 9
Rabbi Crut, Bowling Green OH — 6, Banner Tag
Upton O’Connor, Pompano Beach, FL — 8
Alice Cooper, Los Angeles, CA — Banner Tag, Ambience
Jeff Scherer, Brooklyn, NY — Topic, Guidance Counselor