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January 15, 2004      Share

It’s miserably cold here in New York,
so I’m feeling pretty clever for coming up
with this topic a couple of weeks ago.
Clever and very, very cold.

The Top 9 Signs the
School’s Furnace Is Broken

9> Every hall pass is now issued with an accompanying arctic
survival kit.

8> Your English teacher assigns you a 40-page paper every night,
just so she has something to burn in the wastebasket by her

7> That peeing ice sculpture at the prom is actually some
third-grader they found under the bleachers.

6> The Nordic skiing state championships are in your gym this

5> The football team is huddling… together for warmth.

4> You’re five feet tall, 98 pounds wet, but thanks to all the
sweaters, the coach just drafted you for the football team.

3> The new principal, Mr. Claus, made “Toy Shop” mandatory.

2> The new nun teaching your class is unusually short and

and the Number 1 Sign the School’s Furnace Is Broken…
1> You’re pretty sure Mrs. Schneiderman can’t be *that* pleased
about your essay.



Selected from 30 submissions from 9 contributors.
Today’s Top 5 List authors are:

Gideon Griebenow, Potchefstroom, South Africa — 1, 9 (Woo-hoo!
1st #1!)
Scott Elmer, Wheaton, IL — 2, 3
Upton O’Connor, Pompano Beach, FL — 4, 8
Janis Spidle, Kansas City, MO — 5
Steve Scherer, Rochester, NY — 6
Kristian Idol, Burbank, CA — 7
Jeff Scherer, Brooklyn, NY — Topic,
Guidance Counselor