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March 4, 2004      Share

You won’t have Jeff Scherer to kick around
anymore. For almost exactly three years, I’ve been
the guidance counselor of Top5 High School, and
it’s actually been a blast. But it’s time for this
creaky old curmudgeon to retire, and let someone
new inspire the youth of America. Students,
welcome your new guidance counselor, Andrea Crain.
I’ll be pretty lonely, probably. So… you
know… feel free to visit! I’d love to hear how
you’re doing. *Sigh*

The Top 9 Signs It’s Time for
Your Guidance Counselor to Retire

9> His sports coat is older than your parents.

8> While you sit in his office and disclose your deepest fears
about life, he never looks up from his portable putting green.

7> His computer screen is covered in Wite-Out.

6> He stopped using a flask. Now his whole desk drawer is filled
to the brim with bourbon.

5> “You’re just about perfectly suited for making millions
contributing to some kind of online humor list.”

4> He volunteered to coach the suicide team.

3> All his contacts at the local community college are dead.

2> He advises you to ask for a shiny new Smith Corona portable
for graduation.

and the Number 1 Sign It’s Time for Your Guidance Counselor to
1> “A career path? But you’re a woman!”



Selected from 35 submissions from 9 contributors.
Today’s Top 5 List authors are:

Dan Lautman, Rockville, MD — 1 (4th #1)
Steve Scherer, Rochester, NY — 2, 3, 7, 9
(Hat trick!)
Upton O’Connor, Pompano Beach, FL — 4, 6
Gideon Griebenow, Potchefstroom, South Africa — 5,
RU list name
Gary Tunstall, Houston, TX — 8
Jeff Scherer, Brooklyn, NY — Topic,
Guidance Counselor