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October 16, 2008      Share

The Top 8 Reasons to
Blow Off Walk to School Day

8> Well, this year it just happened to coincide with Blow School
Off Altogether Day.

7> Your fuel-efficient car does nobody any good if it’s parked,

6> You *tried* walking all the way to school, but the stupid bus
driver kept yelling at you to sit down!

5> Talking, texting, *and* walking? Only Olympians have that much

4> Spent two hours styling your hair so it looks like you just
got out of bed five seconds ago, and you don’t want the wind
to accidentally make it look neater.

3> The car seat’s the only thing holding up your low-hanging

2> The parents are out of town and the Hummer’s tank is full.

and the Number 1 Reason to Blow Off Walk to School Day…
1> You would participate, but these frickin’ guns are heavy!



Selected from 57 submissions from 17 contributors.
This week’s list authors are:

Brian Bell, Seattle, WA — 1 (2nd #1!)
Steven Lunetta, Tucson, AZ — 2, 8
Jay Shuck, Minneapolis, MN — 3, 7
Michele Lord, Lincoln, NE — 4
Guy Reeves, Houston, TX — 5
Doug Frank, Crosby, TX — 6, 8, Banner tag
Barb McMullen, Ann Arbor, MI — Class Clown

RUNNERS UP list — Trudging

Already too upset that they have to actually walk from class to
     (John D. Newsome, Eastman, GA)

Because in *this* ‘hood, “Walk to School Day” can turn into “Ride
in an Ambulance to the Emergency Room Day” real quick.
     (Doug Frank, Crosby, TX)

Can’t see your cell phone screen because of the glare from the
     (Guy Reeves, Houston, TX)

Drive to school and spew carbon monoxide, or walk to school after
oatmeal and spew methane. You make the call.
     (Kevin Freels, Walnut Creek, CA)

Excuse me, but women’s shoes aren’t made for walking. They’re just
made for looking hot.
     (Julie Nusbaum, Hamilton, IN)

If you decided to walk to school instead of talking the bus to
your inner-city school, all the bums would asking for your lunch
money. And they know that you have lunch money.
     (Lance Petry, China)

One foot in front of another? Too much like math.
     (Guy Reeves, Houston, TX)

Runners Up list name
     (Doug Frank, Crosby, TX)