May 29, 2003      Share

“The Matrix” last week, the X-Men this week.
What are we, Time magazine?

The Top 6 Mutants Who
Go to Your High School

6> POINDEXTRO: Can finish homework for the entire class in 10
minutes, despite an apparent lack of musculature.

5> RICKY: The fat kid who can use his folds to imitate the
smell of any kind of mildew.

4> THE CHEETAH: Has the ability to use her extraordinary
peripheral vision during exams.

3> SPASTIC MAN: Can make even the most peaceful kid want
to beat the crap out of him with his trademark cry of

2> CLIQUE CHICK: Possesses an uncanny ability to sense who’s In
and who’s Out.

and the Number 1 Mutant Who Went to Your High School…
1> THE FANTASTIC FOUR: The Smith Twins’ brand-new breasts.



Selected from 14 submissions from 6 contributors.
Today’s Top 5 List authors are:

Rabbi Crut, Bowling Green OH — 1 (3rd #1)
Fran Fruit, Winnetka, IL — 2, 3
Scott Witmer, Hanover, PA — 4
Upton O’Connor, Pompano Beach, FL — 5
Dan Rone, Medford, OR — 6
Jeff Scherer, Brooklyn, NY — Topic, Guidance Counselor