June 17, 2004     

The Top 5 Lines the Valedictorian
Should Have Left Out of the Graduation Speech

5> “Next year in college, I will miss all of you very much.
However, not enough to visit, call or write. Or e-mail. Ever.”

4> “As I look out over the faces of those I’ve screwed over to
get to this spot, I can’t help but think, ‘Hey! I win!’”

3> “To reach your dreams, create a personal code to live by.
Mine is ‘Never pass up a chance to pee or a 50% off sale at
Bloomingdale’s.’”

2> “I’d like to thank all of our teachers for believing in us,
and Principal Miller for those insider stock tips.”

and the Number 1 Line the Valedictorian Should Have Left Out of
the Graduation Speech…

1> “Oooh! I think I just felt the baby kick! Superintendent
Rudolph, feel!”

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Credits:

Selected from 18 submissions from 7 contributors.
Today’s Top 5 List authors are:

Rabbi Crut, Bowling Green OH — 1 (6th #1!)
Kay Crain, Defiance, MO — 2, 3
Scott Witmer, Hanover, PA — 4, Runner Up list name
Amy Gorlewski, Wichita, KS — 5
Andrea Crain, Madison, WI — Guidance Counselor