August 28, 2008      Share

The Top 7 Last-Minute Things to
Accomplish Before the End of Summer

7> Turn on the shop light, pull the dusty tarp off of your brain
and see if that puppy’ll fire up or not.

6> Make those last minute bets with your girlfriends on who’s
going to get pregnant first.

5> Start planning smart-alec comments for yearbook signings.

4> Refill Prozac prescriptions from all five doctors. (Teachers

3> Learn ventriloquism in preparation for frog dissection week.

2> Buff out any unsightly tan lines.

and the Number 1 Last-Minute Thing to Accomplish Before the End of Summer…
1> Pre-measure this year’s freshmen to make sure they fit into
standard size lockers.



Selected from 34 submissions from 11 contributors.
This week’s list authors are:

Jay Shuck, Minneapolis, MN — 1, 3, 5 (2nd #1/Hat trick!)
Vic Vitek, Hopewell Junction, NY — 1, 4 2nd #1
Dave Oberhart, Durham, NC — 2
Trish Jensen, Reedsville, PA — 6
Doug Frank, Crosby, TX — 7, Banner
Michele Lord, Lincoln, NE — Topic
Barb McMullen, Ann Arbor, MI — Class Clown

RUNNERS UP list — Skeds and meds

Apply to become an exchange student in the opposite hemisphere.
More summer!
     (Peter Casper, Brisbane, Australia)

Check to see if hacks into the school’s network are still in
     (Dave Oberhart, Durham, NC)

Finish last English assignment from last term, slip into school
and hide it under the teacher’s seat cushion with date from June.
     (Vic Vitek, Hopewell Junction, NY)

Go through list of old excuses, throw out any badly used or
damaged ones; add fresh clever excuses.
     (Michele Lord, Lincoln, NE)

Learn how to send smoke signals to communicate with stoners at
     (Michele Lord, Lincoln, NE)

Learn to read and write again after a summer full of texting.
     (Guy Reeves, Houston, TX)

Speed-read the stack of books from the Summer Reading List.
     (Steven Lunetta, Tucson, AZ)

Try to garner support for a second Groundhog Dog day to see if you
can get 6 more weeks of Summer.
     (Guy Reeves, Houston, TX)

Runners Up list name
     (Doug Frank, Crosby, TX)