February 25, 2003     

The Top 8 Benefits of Having a
Boyfriend or Girlfriend in College

8> At least someone at your cornfield wine cooler party will be
able to explain how existentialism is a humanism.

7> Now you have an excuse for staying home alone on a Friday
night.

6> When you finally get to “home plate” with her, she’ll have
loads of experience gained from dozens of frat boys.

5> Since she’s away from home for 75% of the year, no one will
know she dumped you six months ago.

4> Before him, you hadn’t realized that everything you watch,
listen to and read is bourgeois crap.

3> Learn new recipes, like how to use leftover pizza to make
“fancy” ramen noodles.

2> Not seeing him for months at a time is great practice for
after you marry him.

and the Number 1 Benefit of Having a Boyfriend or Girlfriend in
College…

1> You don’t have to worry about R. Kelly hitting on her.

.

Credits:

Selected from 13 submissions from 4 contributors.
Today’s Top 5 List authors are:

Chris White, Los Angeles, CA — 1, 3 (8th #1)
Scott Witmer, Hanover, PA — 2, 5, 6, 7 (Hat trick!)
Upton O’Connor, Pompano Beach, FL — 4, 8
Scott Elmer, Wheaton, IL — 7
Jeff Scherer, Brooklyn, NY — Topic, Guidance Counselor