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October 11, 2004      Share

Researchers have unveiled genetically engineered mice that can
run farther and longer than their naturally bred brethren,
bringing the “genetic doping” of elite athletes
a small step closer to reality.
Here’s the full story:

But as usual, we’ve considered some possibilities
the researchers missed:

The Top 10 Unexpected
Results of Breeding Marathon Mice

10> Mice do not have an instinctive appreciation of the benefits
of showering after a workout, and *I* am not cleaning out that

9> After hooking their wheel generator up to the house current,
Con Ed owes *me* money.

8> Instead of cheese, we now bait our mousetraps with little cups
of Gatorade.

7> Build a wheel into that engine block and you can have the
first car that runs on cheese!

6> They’re not interested in your cheese at all, but you can’t
keep a box of linguini in the house to save your life.

5> Where do you find teeny-tiny little Band-Aids for mouse

4> Nike exectutives are concerned because these athletes *do* read
the small print.

3> Not just nightly, but three-times-a-day world domination plots.

2> Shopping spree on eBay!! Unlimited clicking!!

and the Number 1 Unexpected Result of Breeding Marathon Mice…
1> A corresponding need to genetically enhance cats.



Selected from 56 submissions from 10 contributors.
Today’s Top 5 List authors are:

Matt Van Opens, Kenosha. WI — 1, 8, 9 (Hat trick!)
William Prune Wickart, Danish Falls, MN — 2
Marcelo Rinesi, Buenos Aires, Argentina — 3
Mel Clark, Kalamazoo, MI — 4, 5, 10 (Hat trick!)
Despereaux Samuelson, Falmouth, ME — 5, 6,
Kevin van Houten, The Colony, TX — 6, 9
Christa Grunewald, Leonardville, KS — 7
Fran Fruit, Winnetka, IL — 5, 6, List Moderator/Govern