November 11, 2004      Share

If you think you can come up with funnier stuff
than our current contributors, you’re welcome to try.
Just send an e-mail to with
“I wanna play!” in the subject line, and include your
name, city and state or province in the message if you’re
from the US or Canada; your city and country if you’re
from somewhere else.
Tom Swift was the hero of a series of kids’ adventure books,
kind of a junior MacGyver of the early twentieth century.
He was best known for his frequent use of adverbs,
thus the “Tom Swiftie” was born:

The Top 9 Tom Swifties
About Health and Fitness

9> “I think a little Beano will solve my problem with broccoli,”
Tom said astutely.

8> “If you want to get rid of your love handles, try this
exercise,” Tom said obliquely.

7> “I never wear a condom!” Tom said rashly.

6> “Would you like to come bungee jumping?” Tom asked cordially.

5> “Your deodorant is the pits,” said Tom dryly, “but I’ll let
you borrow my Ice-Blue,” he added secretively.

4> “Is Albuterol any good?” Tom asked breathlessly.

3> “I’ll bet the best doctors in Russia couldn’t have set
Nicholas II’s broken leg as well as *this*,” said Tom

2> “I’ve improved my stomach muscles just by playing this
medieval stringed instrument,” Tom said absolutely.

and the Number 1 Tom Swiftie About Health and Fitness…
1> “I don’t drink, don’t smoke,” Tom said adamantly.



Selected from 55 submissions from 11 contributors.
Today’s Top 5 List authors are:

Juli Rockwell, Barnesville, OH — 1, 4
Mark Zinck, Grand Rapids, MI — 2
Larry Hollister, Concord, CA — 3, 5
Chris Lipe, Rome, NY — 6
Christa Grunewald, Leonardville, KS — 7
William Longspee, Salisbury, England — 8, 9
Drew Keene, Old Mill, CT — Banner Tag, RU list name
Fran Fruit, Winnetka, IL — List Moderator/Governing Body